T.C. Slonaker, author
  • Home
  • The Angelmen Series
    • About the Angelmen Series
    • Trailers
    • Hierarchy of the Beings
  • Books
    • Amity of the Angemen >
      • Sample of Amity of the Angelmen
      • Amity Trailers
      • Reviews of Amity of the Angelmen
    • Asher of the Angemen >
      • Sample of Asher of the Angelmen
      • Asher Trailers
      • Reviews of Asher of the Angelmen
    • Caedmon of the Angelmen >
      • Sample of Caedmon of the Angelmen
    • Malachi of the Angelmen >
      • Sample of Malachi of the Angemen
    • The Battle >
      • Sample of The Battle
  • About T.C. Slonaker
    • About Me
    • Interviews
    • Beliefs
    • What Am I Doing Now?
    • Quotes
    • How I Became Published
  • Blogs
    • Passion Under Grace (T.C. Slonaker's blog)
    • Tracy's Top Ten
    • T1D Family Life, While We Are Waiting …
    • Woman on Sports
    • The CDO Writer
    • What's On My iPod
  • Humor
    • Body Language >
      • Chapter 1: About Going for a Ride
      • Chapter 2: Stomach Revolts
      • Chapter 3: A Surprise Early Morning Gym Visit
      • Chapter 4: Birthday Present
      • Chapter 5: Laziness and Cats
      • Chapter 6: Thinking Ahead, I Think
      • Chapter 7: Learning About Softball As A Grown-Up
      • Chapter 8: Allergies, Smallergies
      • Chapter 10: A New Machine at the Gym
      • Chapter 11: After the Flood
      • Chapter 12: Asthma (not so funny)
      • Chapter 13: Birthday
      • Chapter 14: A Snake
      • Chapter 15: Pituitary Coup
      • Chapter 16: My Shorts Don't Fit, Part 1
      • Chapter 17: My Shorts Don't Fit, Part 2
      • Chapter 18: An Accident
      • Chapter 19: An Accident, part 2
      • Chapter 20: On Vacation
      • Chapter 21: Getting Work Done in the Summer
      • Chapter 22: Listening to a Game on the Radio
      • Chapter 23: Interview With a Pancreas
      • Chapter 24: I Don't Have a Cold
      • Chapter 25: Collision at the Plate
      • Chapter 26: The Aftermath
      • Chapter 27: Moving On
      • Chapter 28: At the Beach
  • Events
  • Contact Me
    • Ask A Question!
Share What You Like

Passion Under Grace

My thoughts as a Christian wife, mother, author, person.

Gen. Xers - "Just Say No," Remember?

1/21/2014

3 Comments

 
Picture
Nancy Reagan drilled it into our minds so hard it became a joke. Once the War on Drugs started, we were in it. Soldiers, dutifully wielding the only weapon given to us - our words.

We grew up and never lost our mantra. At times, it is still a joke. "Step away from the chocolate. Just say no."

Exhausted multi-taskers are re-learning the thought in a trickier fashion. We have to say "no" to nice people instead of drug dealers. The people who ask us to take on one more scoop of potatoes (or activity) when our plate (or life) is already full.

I think the tide may even be turning for those nice people, now too. There has been an upswing in the current that flows with the banner, "Make sure you take time for yourself." Many folks are stopping for coffee and going to the gym instead of signing up for for the volunteer activities that are pursuing us. Or maybe that's just me.

But now, we need to bring back the "Just Say No" battle cry one more time - for the sake our own kids. Wake Nancy up - she'd be on the same page, I'm sure.

We need to just say "no" to our kids.

No to stuff they don't need.
No to stuff they didn't earn.
No to one. more. thing.

We've got the peer pressure problem all over again, only we think we're doing something good for our kids by helping them fit in. This isn't news. Just as it made no sense to jump off a bridge when everyone else was doing it before, it still makes just as little sense to push our kids off the bridge when all the other moms are doing that today.

Why do we need to?
I, for one, would like my kids to grow up as unspoiled as possible. If we give them everything their hearts desire, I don't believe they will appreciate what it's like to get something you truly want. Even beyond that, if we make our kids work to get something they truly want, they can better understand the value and purpose of work. How awful would it be for us to give our children everything during their childhood, then to throw them into the adult world where it really doesn't work that way?

I had to teach my daughter this lesson just this week. She agreed to take care of a friend's dog for a day. But later that day, she had the opportunity to go out for a fun activity with her other friends, missing a feeding/walking time for the pup. I covered her responsibility for her, but when the friend came over to reward my daughter's effort with a candy bar, I did demand my share of that candy bar. Not because I wanted the candy or even because I didn't want her to have the candy. Just because I wanted her to understand that she made a choice to not fulfill her duty, and so she did not earn the full reward. 

Harsh, huh?

Why is it so hard for us to say "no" when we know it is the right thing? 
Why are we not recognizing the "kid pressure" as the same circumstance we were in when we faced "peer pressure?"

When we were teens, maybe we stood up pretty well to those offering us cigarettes (or worse). But maybe it was hard for you. Maybe you had visions of the "cool" people making fun of you, in those awful days when we had no idea what cool really was.

And now, as adults, what are we afraid of? We're afraid, essentially of the same thing, that our kids won't see us as "cool parents." Or possibly we are afraid that our own children will suffer our fear - that their friends will tease them for not being "cool."

Since it seems every kid has to have the newest toy.
Or video game.
Or see the latest movie.
Or stay up to a certain bed time.
Or have the exact same lunch as their friends.
Right?

Keeping it in perspective, we find the same rule applies: No two kids are the same, and therefore, no two kids have the same needs. We must keep that in mind. And sometimes that explanation helps ease the disappointment.

And remind them that even though we say no some of the time, they have probably had more than enough yeses to make up for it all.



Picture
3 Comments

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful...

1/14/2014

1 Comment

 
Picture
I know you remember that commercial from years ago. But what do we remember it for? Hating that woman anyway.

Let me start off by saying I am not a size-0 model, not a size-2 model, not even a plus size model. Hey, I'm not a model! But people still look at me, even if I'm not in a magazine. People look at you too, no matter what you think. We're people. We look at other people. Go figure.

But while we are looking, we are making judgments too. About each other and ourselves. And we are assuming that when it comes to the way we look, the same rules apply to everyone.

They don't.

Don't listen to everyone else. (But since that includes me, finish this post at least before you stop listening to me.)

I'm a firm believer that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You may not think you are beautiful, but someone else might. Someone else is not staring at your face or body LOOKING for problems, like you are when you look in the mirror. So if someone pays you a compliment, don't tell them that they are wrong. They do not see what you see. 

That is nothing new; you've heard it before. Now for the flip side of the coin.

I've been cringing lately at all the "just be yourself" jargon. Plenty of well-meaning do-gooders are out there to tell you that being overweight is just as good as being super-skinny. (You'll notice I said, "good" and not "beautiful." I already addressed beauty above, and I don't want to go back to it.) Women are shunned for wearing make up or treating acne and lauded for rolling out of bed into some sweats.

People go on "secret" diets. They sneak shamefully into drug store aisles to look at weight loss and beauty products. They hide in the corners at the gym so that no one will notice that they aren't perfect. Or that they almost are.

We have done that to them. 

I like to run and ride my bike for many reasons. And yes, one of the reasons is because exercise helps me look my best. Do you know, I have had people shame me for adopting that reason? People tell me I should be happy with the way I am. 

To an extent those can be helpful words. God made me a brunette. It isn't a punishment, so I don't need to repent of it. I will stay a brunette. God made me a woman. I will stay a woman. However, I do not have a thyroid problem, I have a problem saying no to sweets. So God is not the one who made me overweight.

Here's the fact. At times, I have overindulged in sweets, and the consequence was that I became less than the healthy person God intended me to be. My consequences were: gained weight, lower energy, and poorer complexion. But that was how I made me, not how God made me.
 
Here's what I am saying. Don't be yourself. Be who God created you to be. You make mistakes. We all do, and that's a fact. Some of our mistakes affect how we look. Don't shrug them off, FIX them!*

What does the Bible say?

Song of Solomon- 
A love story between a man and his new bride. It was all about the joy they each took in one another's bodies. So, if I want to naturally bring my body to look the best it can for the purpose pleasing the husband God gave me, it seems to me that God tells us by way of this too-often overlooked book, that He's okay with that.

Esther- 
The book of Esther was about a woman who saved the Jewish nation because the king found her beautiful. Yes, her courage to approach the king was the most noteworthy aspect of her character, but she would never have reached the king's presence to do so unless she had the king not seen her as attractive in the first place.

Outward Beauty IS Secondary to Inward Beauty- 
I can't completely put those do-gooders down. A lot of times their message, which gets lost in interpretation, is a good one. Groom your character before you worry about your face. People definitely see others as ugly if they are mean-spririted, greedy, haughty, and so on. However, the trick is to improve your character BEFORE you work on your outer beauty, not necessarily INSTEAD of it.

    Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. (I Peter 3:3-4)


Don't be vain-
This one is VERY important. 

What is vanity? Thinking about yourself, plain and simple.

Go ahead and fix the way you look, because once you've done the best you can with what you have, YOU STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT. 

After I had my children, I was sad about the weight I had put on (in addition to just the baby-weight). I thought every day about how much I wanted to lose weight. So finally, I did. I lost about 30 pounds. 

Now, I rarely think about how much I weigh. My weight might go up a little, it might go down a little, but I do not think about it every day. And that is one less time in the day that I am thinking about myself instead of thinking about God.**

Don't let anything come between you and your relationship with God.

      Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off
      everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. (Hebrews 12:1)

And that's the bottom line. Throw off everything that distracts you from God. If not looking your best makes you depressed and keeps you from freely worshiping God, do something about it. You do not have to accept the way you are because someone keeps saying you should be happy that way no matter what. Fix the issue and move on.

Do what it takes to be a person full of thanksgiving and giving glory to God.



*Note that I am not saying to go about this in an unnatural way. I don't believe in weight loss pills - I believe in diet and exercise. I don't believe in cosmetic surgery, but I see nothing wrong with a little make up to draw attention to the beautiful features God did indeed give you.

**Even though I don't think about my weight everyday, there are other things I do that keep me from thinking about God all day. I had to make this note so that you did not think I am perfect and have got this all covered. I, by no means, do!

1 Comment

    Passion Under Grace,
    Author Blog

    This is the personal blog of T.C. Slonaker, author of the Christian YA fantasy series, The Angelmen.  Read about her thoughts on parenting, faith, marriage, and the world.  You never know what you're going to get!

    Picture

      Follow This Blog:

    Submit

    Archives

    September 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012

    Categories

    All
    40
    Amity
    Angelmen
    Asher
    Asthma
    Attitude
    Azaleas
    Baby
    Battles
    Beauty
    Bed
    Bejeweled Blitz
    Biking
    Blog
    Books
    Bully
    Cat
    Categories
    Cats On Lap
    Christianity
    Christmas
    Coaching
    Cold
    Color
    Comfort
    Comfy Chair
    Communion
    Conceit
    Crazy
    Cross
    Customer Service
    Darlings
    Death
    Depression
    Diabetes
    Editing
    Facebook
    Faith
    Games
    God
    Good Deeds
    Good People
    Grammar
    Guilt
    Guns In School
    Heaven
    Humility
    Humilty
    Ice Cream
    Jesus
    Just Say No
    Just Say No
    Kids
    Laziness
    Legs
    Like My Work
    Lollipop
    Money
    MS
    Muse
    Nails
    Nephilim
    New Year
    No
    Notes
    Numbers
    Ocd
    Parenting
    Patience
    Preface
    Pretty Dress Day
    Publishers
    Race
    Reading
    Rejection
    Respect
    Rich
    Richard Paul Evans
    Running
    Sanity
    Satan
    Self-publish
    Sell
    Sheets
    Shoulds
    Sin
    Sleep
    Son
    T1D
    Talent
    Tomb Of The Unknown Soldier
    Tv
    Twitter
    Vacation
    Why I Write
    Wonder Woman
    Worth
    Writing

Photos used under Creative Commons from transp, normalityrelief, iluvcocacola, srgpicker, amboo who?, infomatique, tubedogg, bitmask, Tax Credits, Maggio7, Waiting For The Word, Mr.Lujan, Caperd, alan.stoddard, lolololori, maxime.mcduff, Sharon Mollerus, Lora Rajah, Kuster & Wildhaber Photography, jeff_golden, _M-j-H_, Divine in the Daily, s.schmitz, Robert S. Donovan, Ambernectar 13, ~ggvic~, NIAID, andy_c, dreamymo, elka_cz
  • Home
  • The Angelmen Series
    • About the Angelmen Series
    • Trailers
    • Hierarchy of the Beings
  • Books
    • Amity of the Angemen >
      • Sample of Amity of the Angelmen
      • Amity Trailers
      • Reviews of Amity of the Angelmen
    • Asher of the Angemen >
      • Sample of Asher of the Angelmen
      • Asher Trailers
      • Reviews of Asher of the Angelmen
    • Caedmon of the Angelmen >
      • Sample of Caedmon of the Angelmen
    • Malachi of the Angelmen >
      • Sample of Malachi of the Angemen
    • The Battle >
      • Sample of The Battle
  • About T.C. Slonaker
    • About Me
    • Interviews
    • Beliefs
    • What Am I Doing Now?
    • Quotes
    • How I Became Published
  • Blogs
    • Passion Under Grace (T.C. Slonaker's blog)
    • Tracy's Top Ten
    • T1D Family Life, While We Are Waiting …
    • Woman on Sports
    • The CDO Writer
    • What's On My iPod
  • Humor
    • Body Language >
      • Chapter 1: About Going for a Ride
      • Chapter 2: Stomach Revolts
      • Chapter 3: A Surprise Early Morning Gym Visit
      • Chapter 4: Birthday Present
      • Chapter 5: Laziness and Cats
      • Chapter 6: Thinking Ahead, I Think
      • Chapter 7: Learning About Softball As A Grown-Up
      • Chapter 8: Allergies, Smallergies
      • Chapter 10: A New Machine at the Gym
      • Chapter 11: After the Flood
      • Chapter 12: Asthma (not so funny)
      • Chapter 13: Birthday
      • Chapter 14: A Snake
      • Chapter 15: Pituitary Coup
      • Chapter 16: My Shorts Don't Fit, Part 1
      • Chapter 17: My Shorts Don't Fit, Part 2
      • Chapter 18: An Accident
      • Chapter 19: An Accident, part 2
      • Chapter 20: On Vacation
      • Chapter 21: Getting Work Done in the Summer
      • Chapter 22: Listening to a Game on the Radio
      • Chapter 23: Interview With a Pancreas
      • Chapter 24: I Don't Have a Cold
      • Chapter 25: Collision at the Plate
      • Chapter 26: The Aftermath
      • Chapter 27: Moving On
      • Chapter 28: At the Beach
  • Events
  • Contact Me
    • Ask A Question!