It drives me nuts. She probably knows it, too. But I bet she doesn't even know why she does it. I have some guesses, but I'll get to that.
My daughter says I don't love her.
I don't think she even really believes it, but she never misses the chance to refute me when I say I do. And she's not laughing like it's a joke, either. I will say, "I love you," and she will say, "No. You don't."
I have asked her why she thinks I don't love her. She says it's because I don't "treat" her like I love her. I ask her what that would look like, and she will tell me, not making her cry everyday.
Breaking your heart? It is mine.
I even wrote her a book called, If I Didn't Love You. It explained what kind of things I would do if I really didn't love her, and of course, it contrasted that with what I do instead to show my love.
She wouldn't even read the book until a year after I wrote it. She didn't believe it, of course.
Some of the things I do actually do make her cry. But I'm not going to stop them, because they are what's best for her. She just doesn't realize it.
Part of me is frustrated by this, because I really want her to admit out loud that I love her. When I say, "I love you" to her, I want her to say, "Thank you," instead of "No you don't."
I'm not a liar.
I think she might be afraid, deep down, if she admits I love her, I'll stop trying. I won't do loving things for her, because she thinks now I am just doing them to prove my point. She's afraid I'll change and be different.
So how do I react? Well, there's apparently no way I can get her to see that I do love her, so I will just wait patiently until she figures it out. I will not change who I am or what I do, because at some point, she will come to see that it was love I've been showing. And my parental love is more mature than what a 9-year-old envisions as love.
She may or may not see the little loving things I do for her. If she does, she's not counting them. If she's waiting for a big thing, I would do it in a heart beat. She has type 1 diabetes, and I would never hesitate for even just one second to give her my fully functioning pancreas, if there were a way to make sure her body wouldn't attack that one too.
I've started ignoring her comments of, "You don't love me." If I haven't convinced her by now, I can't force her to see it. That would be ridiculous. So, I wait.
If you follow Christ, you have probably already made the connection.
How many people call themselves Christians but don't think God really loves them? Some are playing the "I'm just a worm" card, thinking God could never love someone like them, even if they are His creation.
Some are mad. God hasn't given them everything they wanted in their human minds, so obviously He doesn't want the best for them. These people might cry every day and think that God doesn't hear them crying because He is not giving in to their hearts' desires.When really, His heart is breaking, wishing they would see that He knows what is best, and it isn't what they think.
He even wrote a book for us. The book tells all about what the world looks like with and without love. More more about the "with love," though. Some people read the book, some people don't. Some people think they know what's inside without even looking, and it just doesn't look like love to them.
But God is not a liar. He never changes. The way He said He was is the way He will always be. And He always wants what is best for us.
So how does God react? He gave us free will, so we can accept His love or not. He's not going to go running after us. Jesus never begged. When the father of the prodigal son let him go, he didn't run after him to beg him not to go. The son had to see for himself.
And God DID sacrifice Himself, His Son, for us, for no single other reason than that He loved us. It is finished. Now, He's just waiting to see what we do with that love. We can either accept it or reject it.
From a parent's perspective, I can tell you that it is hurtful to think your child doesn't love you. You've given her everything you could to make her thrive, and she still rejects you? Why would anyone choose not to see their parent as loving?
God is perfect, but I believe He can feel hurt by our rejection. He won't run after us to change our minds, but He mourns bad decisions.
Because that's what loving parents do.
Passion Under Grace,