When this song came on my iPod today, it made me cry. My littlest child, my baby daughter (who isn't really much of a baby any more at age 7) was just diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. You may think you have guessed now why this song made me cry. But there's more to the story. Read on.
Audrey's middle name is Joy. True, we had already decided on that "J" name, to complete the pattern in our kids' middle names, but her's fit. My epidural had made me quite comfortable in the hospital, and so when the nurse checked to see if I was ready to deliver my 3rd baby, she was a little panicked. Audrey was more than ready.
I laughed at her urgency, and the nurse became even more serious. "Don't do that. You have to wait for the doctor," she said.
"You mean, I can just laugh this one out?" I joked. Then I continued to laugh as the doctor hurried over, and Audrey made a quick appearance.
Easy. This was supposed to be an easy child.
When the nurse handed her to me, I was thrilled. My body still had plenty of adrenaline. She asked me if I wanted a soda or something. I laughed again, knowing it would be tough to get to sleep as it was. So I replied, "No thank you. No sugar for me tonight."
My words reminded me of one of my favorite songs, sung by The Guess Who. So I sang my very first lullaby to my baby girl. No Sugar Tonight. Not exactly a traditional lullaby.
Since then, I have kept the song on my iPod, and it has always reminded me of Audrey's birth. Now, it reminds me of the new world we are entering. But it made me think, both about her disease and about life in general.
No sugar. It sounds like a rule. For me, it would be a nearly impossible rule to follow due to my sweet tooth. I have since learned that diabetics CAN have sugar; they just need to modify how much they have and balance it with the amount of insulin they take to counteract it. Too much sugar, without enough insulin to balance it, can make a body very sick. My daughter was in the ICU of the hospital in a condition called Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA) due to the amount of sugar in her body that was not controlled by insulin.
"No sugar" sounds like a rule. But really it is a protective measure. It protects her from going into DKA again.
God gives us certain rules as well. Some of them are as impossible to follow as it would be for me to follow the "no sugar" rule. But just as it is difficult to live a life with no sugar, (There's a lot of sugar in fruit, and we really do need fruit.) it is also also impossible to follow all of God's rules perfectly. Thankfully, God has provided the insulin we need as well. When it comes to following His laws, Jesus is the insulin we need to keep our lives in control.
The song will probably always make me cry. I no longer cradle the newborn and sing to her. My little girl also will no longer have as normal a life as we expected. But God knows. And He has provided for us.