Yep. I'm in one of those moods again. Must be because the Eagles beat the Cowboys this week. In Dallas.
Time to come back to this blog with an edge of silliness. (I might as well apologize right now to the die-hard sports fans, though I don't suspect they are the majority who visit here.)
Remember the days when football was so new and confusing that you had no idea what language the commentators were even speaking? For some of you, that may be yesterday, or even today. Let's make fun of you now, shall we?
Here are several football terms that sound kind of funny if you don't know what they mean, and what they COULD mean if you aren't into football:
1. Pick 6:
Real Meaning: An interception leading to a defensive touchdown.
To a Non-Football Person: Deciding which six players on the other side of the ball aren't contributing much value to the game.
2. Free Safety
Real Meaning: A defensive player in the secondary who guards against the pass.
To a Non-Football Person: No one gets to hurt me! And I don't have to pay for a bodyguard!
3. Twelfth Man
Real Meaning: The advantage of the noise created by the home team fans to act as an aide to the defense by being loud enough to block the quarterback's audible.
To a Non-Football Person: The coach? Maybe the water boy? Oh! Or the ref that gets in the way of the play.
Real Meaning: The signal the quarterback calls before the snap - especially important if it differs from the play discussed in the huddle.
To a Non-Football Person: Being able to hear the person next to you at the game.
5. Wide Out
Real Meaning: A receiver who splits the the outside after the snap.
To a Non-Football Person: That big fat guy on the end. No one wants to be near him. Poor guy.
Real Meaning: When all the defenders go in to tackle the QB.
To a Non-Football Person: Germans invading at half-time. Possibly with sausages.
7. Nickel Defense
Real Meaning: Replacing a linebacker with another defensive back to protect against the pass.
To a Non-Football Person: Really bad defense that's just not worth very much.
Real Meaning: Blocking from behind, below the waist.
To a Non-Football Person: The job of the groundskeeper.
9. Icing the Kicker
Real Meaning: Taking a time-out right as the kicker is going to kick (usually a field goal) to mess up his concentration. (P.S.- Personal note - This is the stupidest thing ever, in my opinion and rarely works.)
To a Non-Football Person: It must be the kicker's birthday. Because those guys are going to smash a cake in his face.
Real Meaning: Defense sneaking up on the other team and getting all up in their faces.
To a Non-Football Person: Sneaking up on the other team and getting all up in their faces. There may or may not be bugs involved.
11. Intentional Grounding
Real Meaning: When the QB throws the ball, but there is no eligible receiver in the area.
To a Non-Football Person: When the coach gets really mad about a player's performance and benches him.
12. Nose Guard
Real Meaning: The middle tackle in a 3-4 defense.
To a Non-Football Person: A piece of equipment worn on the face.
13. Offensive Line
Real Meaning: The players on offense who line up on the line of scrimmage and whose job it is to hold back the defense from getting to the quarterback.
To a Non-Football Person: A pick-up line so bad that everyone has to leave the field.
14. Shotgun Formation
Real Meaning: When the quarterback has the ball hiked back to him several yards back from the line, instead of directly under center.
To a Non-Football Person: Instead of the marching band members making a picture with their stances, the football players do it in the shape of a gun to show the other team they are going to get blown away.
15. Pump Fake:
Real Meaning: When the quarterback pretends to throw the ball in one direction, but he actually holds onto it and throws it in another direction.
To a Non-Football Person: Those cleats might make the players LOOK taller, but...
16. Red Zone
Real Meaning: The space between the 20-yard line and the goal line.
To a Non-Football Person: The part inside the letters "NFL" that are red.
Real Meaning: Team members who are on the field during kicking and punting plays. More information HERE.
To a Non-Football Person: The people who were not quite good enough to make the actual team, but the coaches didn't want them to feel bad by cutting them. They're just "special."
Real Meaning: When a ball is kicked into the end zone, it can be downed and played from the 20-yard line.
To a Non-Football Person: After you get tackled, you get a chance to touch him right back.
Real Meaning: When the other team gets the ball.
To a Non-Football Person: Snack time!
Real Meaning: The top parts of the goal posts.
To a Non-Football Person: The people still standing after a play ends.
Real Meaning: The referee who mainly watches for legality of players and play on the line of scrimmage.
To a Non-Football Person: A confused baseball official who wandered into the wrong game.
22. Wild Card
Real Meaning: Two teams in each conference with the best records and who are not division leaders.
To a Non-Football Person: That guy who always does what you never expect him to.
23. First Down
Real Meaning: An offense's first attempt to get 10 yards down the field.
To a Non-Football Person: The first guy to get tackled.
Real Meaning: Another name for the field
To a Non-Football Person: A pattern made by the uniform manager.
Alright, I think I got my sillies out. Time to get back to business as the Eagles get ready to play the Dolphins. Ha ha! (Nope. Still in that mood.)
Please comment any that I may have missed here!
T.C. Slonaker, Eagles fan
Sports Made Simple!